There’s nothing worse than a blog what only gets updated once every 6 months. That’s not a blog. It’s an occasional diversion. Believe it or not, I’ve wanted to post here several times over the past few months. But things have been tough. I’ve been processing things internally and haven’t been ready to write about them publicly.
Most of you know my mom died unexpectedly in December 2011. This crushed my family. In fact I don’t even think a scab has formed yet. We don’t even understand what we’re feeling much less know how to heal. In the midst of this, my dad was dying of pancreatic cancer. It’s a brutal disease. Only 5% of patients survive it. My dad battled much longer than most, but the cancer finally won on September 7.
So in a matter of 9 months I went from having two parents to none. From the family I’ve known my whole life to an orphan. I have brothers and a sister who are a great support. My wife is literally the best woman I’ve ever met. My kids (2 with another due soon) are pure joy. But there is a new emptiness that I can’t describe.
I am encouraged by the fact that God is a “father to the fatherless” (Psalm 68:5) so none of us is ever really an orphan. I can truly stand in the midst of so much sadness and say God is good. He has truly given me the “peace that passes all understanding” (Phil 4:7).
There’s another thing that encourages me. In the last conversation I had with my dad he confessed faith in Christ as his Savior. I had talked with him about the gospel, but it never seemed to stick. Two spanish-speaking pastors came to meet with him, but it didn’t seem to connect. And finally, on his deathbed he said he trusted Christ to save him from his sins and he’d see me in heaven. My last conversation with my dad was the sweetest.
Now Anna and I move to the next curve on our emotional roller coaster. Baby #3 is due in November. We’re nervous and excited. I know God will use her (and Gabby and Louis) to help us heal.